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Headmaster's Thoughts: April 2022
I have two numbers on our home phone. Whenever a call comes into the second number (without anyone being on the first line), I always answer, “F.B.I.”. This seems to work.
I give this as one strategy to survive in a world where we are inundated with advertising. The internet is obviously the worst. If you look up “York Prep School” you may well find (it depends on the day) several school web sites before ours is listed. I always wonder how much that cost them. But this sort of practice is deeply embedded in everything that we do. Buy socks and give your e-mail address, and magically you will get an e-mail offering other socks or, if they are in the same business, underwear. On your plane ticket is an advertisement. Everywhere except one place. There are no ads yet on Kleenex tissues. I want to praise the Kleenex Company. How did you resist selling space? And, let us be real, it is a lot of blank space. Kleenex and toilet paper. I think they may be the same company). No ads. Wonderful!
I like Kleenex. On the outside of the box, it says “professional comfort touch”. I have no idea what that means but it calms me. I am getting a “professional” comfort touch not an amateur one. And I like the word “touch”. It makes the Kleenex human. The soft paper is touching me. An active verb. Thank you! Should I tip someone?
I also like that Kleenex gives a phone number on the bottom of the box if you have any questions about their product. Only weekdays from 8:00am until 5:00pm Eastern Standard Time, but still, a nice gesture. What could one say? I like your touch? I think it is “professional” as opposed to those other tissues. And the back of the box is written in 24 different languages. You can learn to say “facial tissues” in 24 languages. But you still have to call in United States Eastern Standard Time between 8:00am and 5:00pm, if you wish to comment or ask questions.
I use Kleenex to mop up spilt coffee, dry the nib of my fountain pen, and blow my nose. This is a universal product. It is soft and yet has an inner strength. It is white or pink or pale blue, at least until you start getting to the bottom of the box when the paper subtly changes shade. This is to remind you to get another box of Kleenex.
I hope that this is the end of COVID. That we can get back to the important things in life. I have decision fatigue. But not with Kleenex. I have a professional touching my face. With comfort. Let us be grateful for the small pleasures of life.
Would it not be great if, when you called the Kleenex number, they answered: “F.B.I.”
Would it not be great if, when you called the Kleenex number, they answered: “F.B.I.”
Ronald P. Stewart
Headmaster
York Prep
