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Headmaster's Thoughts: April 2023
There are tea ceremonies all over the world, but nothing quite like the English tea ceremony. Since it may become a fading institution, I want to give it a review before it goes away with the steam locomotive. You can find this odd ceremony practiced in the better English hotels and a few department stores in London.
You start with tea, of course. Not bundled tea in a neat bag…oh no! Much too clean! You have loose dusty tea in the bottom of a teapot made out of what is optimistically called “hotel silver”. Translated, “hotel silver” means shiny silver-like metal. Boiling water is then poured onto that loose tea. The pot, including the metal handle of the same “hotel silver”, gets very hot from the boiling water, and you burn your fingers picking it up. But, pick it up you do, and pour the tea into a cup where first you have a small quantity of milk. It is against the religious nature of this production to pour the milk afterwards. If you request lemon, you may be asked to leave the establishment. For no apparent reason, you will also be served a smaller similar pot containing boiling water. No one really understands why except that it is another opportunity to burn your fingers. The tea is poured through a portable strainer (often made of the same silver-like metal) which can catch the dusty leaves and also allow (some say deliberately cause) the boiling liquid to run off the strainer on to the saucer and, possibly, the tablecloth. Why the strainer is not built into the pot I do not know, but the running of the hot water all over the place because of the portable nature of the strainer, and the mess that you create in removing the dripping strainer, is clearly part of the ceremony. Then you put in sugar, stir, and drink (when it is still too hot). And, if you do the ceremony right, you look smug and say words to the effect that it is infinitely better than tea made with a tea bag. You have burnt fingers, there is brown fluid all over the table, and a Keurig pod would produce exactly the same taste, except that a Keurig does not have this ceremonial quality.
With the tea comes cold toast, with hard, frozen, butter in a separate dish. The toast was not made fresh, but somewhere in the back kitchen, and it will be produced, standing vertically, in an old-looking toast rack. A toast rack is something sold in an antique store that no-one in their right mind would buy. I quite like toast that is hot, or even warm. Not cold, thank you very much. A toast rack will ensure that all warmth leaves the burnt bread quickly and efficiently. The toast is ceremonially displayed, with each slice standing separate and aloof from the others, to improve heat loss.
What you get next depends on how much you are paying for this feast. If promised a “Devon Cream Tea”, you will get rather mealy scones with a dish of clotted cream and strawberry jam. There are columns written in English newspapers on whether the jam goes first on the scone or the cream. As if it made any difference whatsoever. All I can say, with certainty, is that clotted cream is called clotted because that is what it does to your arteries.
The alternative to the scone and clotted cream tea, is the sandwich tea. Here you will get slices of white bread, with the crusts carefully removed (after all, they are the most nutritional part of the bread), and thin slices of cucumber will be placed carefully between the two slices. When I say thin, I am not doing justice to the skill of the slicer who, in a previous life, might have sliced smoked salmon at Zabar’s. On the assumption that cucumbers are more valuable than white truffles, the slices are so thin that they are transparent. There may also be Marmite sandwiches. I may have lost you at this point. Marmite is a yeast extract that tastes like…well it is indescribably bad! Imagine something both over-spicy and depressingly pungent; no, I cannot do it justice. If they gave it to prisoners, the prison guards would receive notice from the International Court of Justice at the Hague that they have committed war crimes.
To be fair, you may also get cheese in those white bread slices without crusts. The cheese will be tasteless. The same can be said for the ham that will look like ham but, for any American, will taste unlike any ham they have had before. If you are lucky, you may get a thin layer of scrambled eggs in your sandwiches. If unlucky, you will get fish paste. Some of you may have a delicate disposition, so I will not even discuss what goes into fish paste or what it tastes like. You would never read an essay by me again.
Finally, for this ceremony to be done correctly, you should be served pastries. English pastries are unique. They have a doughy quality, and they are covered with pink icing. In short, they are ghastly. But they are served, as the sandwiches sometimes are, in a pyramid tower. Unfortunately, the vertical effect does not impact the taste.
To join this ceremony, you will have to wait to get a table to sit down with the other tourists who want to participate. If there are any English people there, and that is unlikely, they will be ladies looking for a place to sit and gossip.
The only positive is that that you will be served by ladies in ridiculous costumes, dating from the early Nineteenth Century, that were worn by parlor maids. They speak in an interesting dialect that is known as “Cockney London”. You may be called “Ducks”, which can be surprising, or “Dearie”, or “Luv”. And, in return, you get to call the waitress “Miss”, regardless of her age or marriage situation. If a man is serving tea, he will speak with a foreign accent.
Needless to say, the tea ceremony will be absurdly expensive. Some people think that restaurants make their money on alcohol drinks. This would not be true of English hotels serving afternoon tea. That is where the profit is.
Drink up!
Ronald P. Stewart
Headmaster
York Prep
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List of 20 news stories.
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Headmaster's Thoughts: May 2023
Read MoreThis month I am cheating by reproducing a presentation I made to an educational conference, this April, on the teaching of Ethics to high school students. Last month’s “Thoughts” were hopefully amusing. The same cannot be said for this presentation:
Good Morning. My name is Ronnie Stewart and I started York Prep School in 1969 with my wife and have been Head of School for the 54 years it has served its students in New York City. For most of those years, I have taught Ethics to all members of the Senior Class. -
Headmaster's Thoughts: April 2023
There are tea ceremonies all over the world, but nothing quite like the English tea ceremony. Since it may become a fading institution, I want to give it a review before it goes away with the steam locomotive. You can find this odd ceremony practiced in the better English hotels and a few department stores in London.Read More -
Headmaster's Thoughts: March 2023
Read MoreI love going to the opera, and drag Jayme along about five times a year. When I was a young man, I would sit somewhere near the roof but now we are fortunate to be closer to the stage. We saw Fedora very recently. It is not a great opera. The story is absurd, and it has not been performed at the Met for over 20 years. Whenever the Metropolitan Opera returns a rarely-heard opera back into its repertoire, they bring out the superstars to perform it. And so it was with this revival, which starred Sonya Yoncheva and Piotr Bezcala. The music was fair, but the singing was superb. Going to the Met, one often sees great performances, sometimes only good ones, and, rarely, average ones. But the experience of sitting in a vast hall covered mainly in red velvet, the visual spectacle of the sets, the professional excellence of the orchestra and chorus (and occasionally dancers), still makes each performance (regardless of the opera itself) a special New York evening. -
Headmaster's Thoughts: February 2023
Read MoreWelcome to February. As a second child, until now I never thought of myself as a “Spare”. Of course, I am not the son of a King either. I married a second child and have no idea, or much interest, if this is a sociological factor or just chance. Currently, I have noticed a tendency to find deep psychological reasons for simpler issues. -
Headmaster's Thoughts: January 2023
Welcome to February. As a second child, until now I never thought of myself as a “Spare”. Of course, I am not the son of a King either. I married a second child and have no idea, or much interest, if this is a sociological factor or just chance. Currently, I have noticed a tendency to find deep psychological reasons for simpler issues.Read More -
Headmaster's Thoughts: December 2022
Read MoreAs we approach the winter holidays, let me wish all of my readers, few as you may be, a very joyful New Year.I started writing these thoughts in December 2004. So, this month, to celebrate the beginning of my 19thyear of producing the pieces known as “Headmaster’s Thoughts”, I thought I would leave the essay format and indulge myself in making up a list. I really like lists. Good bibliographies have helped direct me to reading great works that I otherwise might not have read. Recommendations by friends have led me to places that I greatly enjoyed, and also to watch productions that I probably would have missed. I do know that every list is very personal, and, arguably, a self-indulgence on the part of the list maker, but this is a case of hoping that if I share my list with you, that you might share your list with me. I would certainly appreciate that. -
Headmaster's Thoughts: November 2022
Dreams are interesting. In mine, I am always a young man dealing with absurd situations in my former body. I think of myself as a young man in an old body, but dreams do not work that way, at least not for me. I youthfully run, duck, advance, and do all the things that I would have great difficulty (which is a euphemistic phrase for “impossible”) doing with my current creaky limbs. There is something reassuring in that dream world, even though when I wake, I realize it is completely non-realistic.Read More -
Headmaster's Thoughts: October 2022
Read MoreA ball is thrown into a room. The baby looks at the room’s entrance, curious as to how the ball arrived. A dog jumps for the ball. The difference is curiosity, and we are discovering that even two-month-old babies have an inherent sense of the laws of physics. They look for reasons. A ball is bounced and stays suspended in the air; babies are puzzled and look for reasons for this suspension of the law of gravity. The dog leaps up to grab the ball, indifferent as to how it got there. -
Headmaster's Thoughts: September 2022
Read MoreWe were once teenagers too. And got into trouble.It probably is difficult for present day adolescents to appreciate that all of their school administrators were once as young as they are, and although the avenues of “troubles” were very different, nonetheless all of us got into trouble in our own way. Teenagers have always tested limits, and we all went through that challenging period of our lives. -
Headmaster's Thoughts: August 2022
Read MoreDear Incoming York Prep Student: This month’s essay is primarily addressed to you. Often my monthly essays are deliberately not serious (I even attempt humor), and written for the enjoyment of the reader and myself. But not this month. I want to give you concrete advice on being successful at York, and, indeed, at any school you attend. -
Headmaster's Thoughts: July 2022
Read MoreIn many lists of top international undergraduate universities, my university, Oxford, ranks in the top three. This includes rankings by American based institutions. In the QS World university rankings (who is “QS”?), Oxford ranks second to MIT. In the U.S. News and World Report, it is number three after Stanford, and then UC Berkeley. In the Times Higher Education ranking, Oxford is number one. The reason I am giving you this statistic is not just for pride in a place I attended but, primarily, to note that virtually all of Oxford’s undergraduate degrees take only three years. Apart from the Classic Greats; a hallowed if slightly dated course, Oxford undergraduate degrees are only three years long. So why do American degrees, apparently considered lower on these rankings (and you may note that Harvard and Yale did not appear) take four years to complete? Since Oxford is the only university to come in all three rankings as one of the top three, that indicates excellence. Hooray! Why be modest? -
Headmaster's Thoughts: June 2022
Read MoreAs in all previous years, June’s “Headmaster’s Thoughts” is the speech made by the Head at the 2022 Commencement Exercises.Congratulations to the graduating Senior Class of 2022, and your families who helped get you here. This is a great group of young people, and all of us applaud your success. You have contributed to so many parts of our school academically, socially, in the performing arts and athletically. I note that over 10% of your class brought home our first Basketball State Championship since 1992. That is just a sign of the spirit of this group. In all arenas, I give you my congratulations. -
Headmaster's Thoughts: May 2022
The day before I started writing this piece, I watched our first League Boys Varsity Volleyball game of the Spring Season. They won! And they beat a school that is three times our size. What is happening? Are we becoming a sports powerhouse without knowing it? Since we won the State Basketball Championships this year, we have had a few applications from basketball players eager to join our program. I should also proudly state that both our Girls Varsity Basketball and Boys Junior Varsity Basketball teams won their League Championships. Hooray, I say. But, without disappointing the applicants, I should also add that we are not the University of Kansas. The last time we won the State Tournament was 30 years ago. 1992! Not exactly a dynasty.Read More -
Headmaster's Thoughts: April 2022
Read MoreI have two numbers on our home phone. Whenever a call comes into the second number (without anyone being on the first line), I always answer, “F.B.I.”. This seems to work. -
Headmaster's Thoughts: March 2022
Read MoreI want to tell you a story about my life. Sorry to be self-absorbed, but maybe you can learn a general lesson from my particular circumstance. Back in 1969, I was a very young and, surprisingly, successful barrister. I was in the right Chambers (what you might call a sort of partnership) at the right time, and I had been chosen as the Junior (what you might call “second chair” ) to defend Charles Kray in the Kray case, which turned out to be the longest criminal murder trial in English history. In the middle of that trial, on October 6th 1968 to be precise, I married Jayme. -
Headmaster's Thoughts: February 2022
Let me categorically say that we all need fun in our lives. COVID, unfortunately, has robbed us of our opportunities for silliness. I remember having a family Thanksgiving dinner party with friends and extended family, and providing them all with clown’s noses. The wearing of those red squeaky sponges added to the event. Now, we do not have those parties. I remember blowing up balloons on a plane and making animals (some of which popped), which I gave to other passengers, to the extreme embarrassment of my son. Now we do not take planes anymore. I remember…no, I will not bore you further. I think most of you know what I mean. Our whole way of life has been affected by the pandemic. And I know that I have been lucky. No one in my family has been hospitalized yet. Some have had COVID, but only mildly. I am still untouched but waiting.Read More -
Headmaster's Thoughts: January 2022
Read MoreAnother spin around the Sun. Another year.Is it the eternal optimistic nature of our species that we expect next year to be better? Because I think most of us do. We really look forward to getting over the pandemic, seeing each other’s faces without covering, socializing together. And if we adults have had a hard time of it over the past two years, how much worse has it been for our children? The time spent in school is the most critical time to develop the skills of understanding how to get on with peers, how to share, how to be a member of a community. For too many children, that avenue of progress had a major break. They were homebound. Should they have been in school? I think so. -
Headmaster's Thoughts: December 2021
Read MoreAs we all look back over the year of 2021, it would be nice if we could compare it to previous years. How comforting to give a detailed analysis of growth, and achievement. Sadly, 2021 will go down as a year marked by extraordinary events. We have had a pandemic such as we have never seen in our lifetimes. Thankfully, due to the miracle of vaccines, we are now seeing a slow recovery. Yet the statistics for inflation, employment, and climate control, are uniformly sad. And no one can say that the quality of life in our great city is yet back to normal. -
Headmaster's Thoughts: December 2021
Read MoreAs we all look back over the year of 2021, it would be nice if we could compare it to previous years. How comforting to give a detailed analysis of growth, and achievement. Sadly, 2021 will go down as a year marked by extraordinary events. We have had a pandemic such as we have never seen in our lifetimes. Thankfully, due to the miracle of vaccines, we are now seeing a slow recovery. Yet the statistics for inflation, employment, and climate control, are uniformly sad. And no one can say that the quality of life in our great city is yet back to normal. -
Headmaster's Thoughts: November 2021
Can I be the only person who does not carry a cell phone? It seems that modern society is run on the basis that one will always have a cell phone at hand.Read More
